The 10 Stages of Mac Ownership

Many people are initially opposed to owning a Macintosh computer. Some of them eventually manage to take off their blinders and make a decision based on what they want, not what they have been told they want. Sometimes, what they want turns out to be a Mac, and, for those lucky few, this may be a familiar thought process.

Step 1: My school's Mac sucked.

• "I used a Mac at school ten years ago. It was so slow, and it crashed every day. My new Windows PC is fast and hardly ever crashes!"
• "How about your home computer from ten years ago - was it fast? Did it never crash?"
• "Well, no, but my old computer was a piece of junk. Look, I've used a Mac and I just know they're too slow and they crash all the time."

Step 2: You use a Mac because you don't know computers.

• "Macs don't let you open the hood and look inside. See, as a computer expert, I want to be able to get to a DOS prompt."
• "How about a UNIX shell prompt? Here's Terminal."
• "No, I mean on your own computer, not through telnet."
• "Yeah, see, here's a list of files on my desktop and this is how I can open one of them in, say, TextEdit."
• "Well, DOS is better. You can see your files and run programs just by typing some commands."

Step 3: I want more mouse buttons.

• "I can't believe that Macs still have a one button mouse."
• "You can plug in any mouse you want through the USB port."
• "But come on, a one button mouse? I just want to be able to right-click!"
• "Here, let me plug in your mouse. Right-click brings up a context menu. The scroll wheel works. What more do you want?"
• "It still ships with a one button mouse! How can anyone use that?"
• "Uh, my PowerBook has a single mouse button and I don't mind it a bit. I scroll by holding the fn key and moving on the trackpad, and if a program really, really wants a right click, it'll take a Control-click or a Command-click. With a single mouse button out of the factory, though, programmers are forced to design applications that don't hide options inside context menus - that means better thought out user interfaces."
• "But I don't want a one button mouse. You need a right mouse button to use Windows properly."

Step 4: There's no application support.

• "I can't use a Mac. I wouldn't be able to get any work done because no real programs run on it."
• "What programs do you need?"
• "Word, Excel, Outlook, and PowerPoint. Yeah, I need the real thing, not whatever you use - vi or something."
• "All of those run on Macs except Outlook is called Entourage."
• "But I need the real thing, not a weird Mac clone."
• "Check Microsoft's web site - they are the same thing."
• "Well, I know they're not. I was playing with a Mac at the bookstore and it couldn't open my PowerPoint slides."
• "Did that computer have Office installed on it?"
• "Oh, I don't know, but it should be able to open my slides anyway. PowerPoint is pretty standard."

Step 5: Your PowerBook can't play games.

• "Okay, your PowerBook is really thin and light and looks great, but I want to play games on my laptop."
• "How about World of Warcraft? I love that game. See, it runs fine."
• "Great, but how about Shadowbane?"
• "Yeah, it ran fine when I was playing that. Well. It ran just as well as it did on Windows."
• "The Sims?"
• "Yes."
• "Runescape?"
• "Sure, that's just Java."
• "Black & White?"
• "Yup, that too."
• "Rise of the Triad?"
• "Er, no."
• "See, you can't play any games on a Mac."

Step 6: Your PowerBook's CPU is too slow.

• "PowerBooks are too slow. I can get a PC laptop with a Pentium 4 running at 3.6 GHz."
• "That processor by itself uses a hundred watts of power. How long will the battery last?"
• "It can slow itself down to make the battery last longer."
• "Why do you want a fast processor that you'll run slowed down?"
• "It's still way faster than the PowerBook."
• "Maybe. What do you need to run while mobile that uses so much processor time, anyway?"
• "Well, I just need to run Word, but I want a fast computer."
• "So it's like you're buying a drag racer for going grocery shopping."
• "Yeah! That would be so cool!"

Step 7: I can't steal the software.

• "Mac software is so expensive! $499 for Office? That's crazy, I can't afford that!"
• "That's exactly the same price it is for Windows. I can't afford it, either, so I don't use it."
• "No it's not! Office is free on Windows, I just get it from work or from a friend."
• "Uh, you're not supposed to do that."
• "Who cares? All I know is, if I get a Mac, I can't afford the software I need."

Step 8: Macs are too expensive.

• "So I was checking out Apple's web site, you know, just to see."
• "Heh. Sure."
• "Macs are so expensive! The dual 2.7 GHz PowerMac G5 is $3399. $3399 for a computer? No way! I can build a good PC for $700!"
• "Okay, does that PC have two processors that are as fast as a G5 at 2.5 GHz?"
• "No, it's a single XP 1800+."
• "Does that PC have an ATI Radeon 9600XT?"
• "No, it's a Radeon 9200."
• "Does that PC have 512 MB RAM?"
• "No, it has 256."
• "Does that PC have a 160 GB hard drive?"
• "No, a 60."
• "Does that PC have an 8x DVD writer?"
• "No, CD-RW."
• "Okay, it sounds like you need to compare your PC to a Mac mini. Those are $599 including the OS and tons of other software, also play DVDs, very cute, and nearly silent."
• "But this one is $3399. Macs are so expensive!"

Step 9: Macs are too expensive, take two.

• "So I configured this PC on Dell's site. It's pretty much the same as that PowerMac and it costs much less."
• "Does it have..."
• (minutes pass)
• "Look, now it costs more than the top-of-the-line Mac."
• "But I wouldn't pay this much for a PC. I would use cheaper parts."
• "Like the Mac mini?"
• "No, I'd want the fastest PowerMac, but it's just too expensive."

Step 10: Macs are weird.

• "I was playing around on the iBook we have here for testing and I just can't figure it out.
• "Oh? What are you trying to do?"
• "I just want to change the wallpaper. I can't find Control Panel anywhere!"
• "It's called System Preferences. Open the Apple menu, select System Preferences, then--"
• "Oh, okay. Desktop. Wow, that's a cool screen saver!"
• "Yeah. Anything else?"
• "I can't find the Start menu, or whatever it's called on this."
• "The Finder is like Explorer. You use it to find files. There's an Applications folder - that's where you put your programs. Just double-click to launch."
• "So where's the Windows folder? I installed this one program and I don't want it any more, but there's no uninstaller."
• "There isn't one. Just take the application icon and toss it in the trash."
• "I can't do that! It'll leave files all over the computer!"
• "No - well, unless it's made by Microsoft. Most programs are self-contained. See, those applications are actually folders that contain lots of files. Everything the application needs is in there. Well-behaved programs can be installed by dragging them in, and then uninstalled by dragging them out."
• "That makes so much sense. So you don't have to format and reinstall after uninstalling lots of programs?"
• "Format? I wouldn't. At worst, I'd use Archive and Install, so my files and applications and settings are left alone - but I've never had to do that, either."
• "Sigh. Macs are too expensive.

Epilogue: What's the best way to recycle a PC?

• "I bought a PowerBook."
• "Hey, good for you. Let me know if you need help with anything."
• "I found out that I can plug in my keyboard and mouse and monitor and speakers, even my external hard drive."
• "Sure."
• "So, um, I haven't used my PC for a week, and I don't think I need it any more."
• "Sounds like you're enjoying your Mac."
• "What should I do with it? I plugged everything in again and my screen was covered in pop-ups. I don't like Windows any more."
• "How about installing a free operating system on it, maybe Debian GNU/Linux?"
• "I tried Lie-nucks before. It didn't work with my softmodem. And I hear it was written by hackers."
• "Here we go again..."

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